This one will seem muddled to you reader, the tenses bouncing everywhere and you wont know if I am writing about or to her, but that in itself explains a lot and this is why, she is so many things to me in so many ways and our relationship is so intertwined and intricate we are colleagues, friends and family, she is my DAUGHTER!
The first thing you will notice about Danica is her striking beauty, sure I am biased as most mothers are but my daughter is really stunning, it’s that “take your breathe away” kind of beauty, whenever I show people pictures of her – which I do without asking and any chance I get – the response is the same every single time “WOW!, she is beautiful. I think that her beauty is a blessing and a curse, the former because she just has to look at you in a certain way and you melt, I’ve seen boys swoon her, commission drawings of her, travel to Paris to meet her, follow her like a puppy and then finally win her. I have heard women ask her about her beautiful hair her well kept skin and eyes that look into your soul, beauty I tell you.
Also a curse because she can be mistaken by the stereotypes for being ditsy or silly or less intelligent, she has these ideocracies that can baffle you to try to find the smarts in her with her sayings and her humour, but don’t be fooled because you will be. She can outwit just about anyone at a table, hold a debate on any topic, and share a passionate opinion all while smiling and waving off any haters.
This girl is pure fire, she has a flame inside her that burns so bright that the entire galaxy can be warmed and fuelled for years after she has left a room. My DANICA.
Now let us get real. I gave birth to this ball of flames when I was 21, I had no idea what to do or how-to parent, we spent the first 2 years of her life together in a bit of turmoil and confusion. She is the absolute apple and every fruit of her fathers’ eye. This 6ft 6-man melts at the site of her, and he will do literally anything for her. I remember when she was a toddler how she would jump up to his arms and he would just melt. She has not lost that effect on him; I roll my eyes at it because I see a tough man go to pieces for this girl. I digress, I was too young and had no business having children at that age, but we found ourselves together regardless. At times instead of parenting, she was a living doll. Other times she was a small friend. I have never been “broody” or wanted to be a mother, but a start with Danica, prepared me for her 2 brothers that followed yes, she was the fireball.
Fearless in everything, jumped into life and tasted it with a hunger that I envy, jumped into school, climbed trees, spun on merry-go-rounds, had fights, lost a tooth. A ballerina, a freedom fighter, a protestor, a church girl, she dove into friendships, launched into careers then tripped and fell in love until … until the dark came.
The dark that beat her and pushed her and demeaned her and extinguished her flame, the dark that ate her enthusiasm and stole her soul, the dark that showed me a stranger that I no longer recognised, the dark that made me send her to another province, another hospital and other countries, this dark this anger this sociopath this monster. Why did I not recognise it? why didn’t I stop it sooner, when my own flame my soul my friend my everything was being snubbed like a disregarded candle at night.
I never saw it because I didn’t want to, I thought she would burn him too with her light, but she couldn’t, because you see, he had been chipping away at her wick for so long that when she tried to reignite she couldn’t. what is a mom to do? What would you do? I cried I screamed, I threatened I cursed I recoiled into my own memories of my own dark, I regressed and then I stood up took a theoretical mirror to my child and showed her what had become of her. Then we healed….
I say we because we are so intricately intertwined in such a deep and unexplainable way I would kill and almost have for her, I would do it all again, but I know I wont have to because I watched her go from the dark to a cinder then a small flicker and then the flame rose again to burn, it may not be in its complete glory yet but let me tell you this phoenix this, fire of mine, the very flame in my own veins from my own womb is on her way to burning so bright that the very sun will be a dim celestial thing compared to her.
Believe it kid I know you do. You come from a flame yourself, fire made fire and fire we will burn and leave the rest in the ashes. You my princess the one from the fairy tales who still believes in happily ever after for yourself and everyone, you are still unwritten, ignite again and don’t you dare let anyone even so much as make it move in a breeze, including yourself.
Don’t you forget it kid, you have had your dark, you have had your time in the shadowlands, the elephant graveyard, and I watch as the hyenas still try to pick off at you and you stand and don’t take it. I have seen you battle shadows of your own thoughts and come out swinging.
She has a select group of friends who are smart and independent and amazing women in their own rights, she has a heart of empathy and gold and her love knows no bounds, she is resilient and brave and strong and she can out binge watch any series against anyone, she comes with a few warning labels
– Don’t touch my stuff
– Don’t wake me up
– Don’t be mean to people
she is a Disney princess and Lara Croft, she is Wonder woman who never answers her phone enough for me, she is smart, she is caring she wants more from her brothers who think she is too much.
She loves unconditionally and gives without limits; she walks into a room and the whole damn frequency changes. You are my ying and yang, you call me out when I need it you make me better for betters’ sake. You are me when I am trying to be like you. You hold some of my secrets reluctantly. We laugh together, we throw opinions around we are one and we are not.
I love you more than all our happy moments from every childhood memory and much more than any bad ones. We will walk this earth together forever because you are mine and I am yours and you come from me, from Gogo, from Nana, from a line of women who have your back even in heaven. Keep burning my flame and keep laughing. You will take over the galaxy again and the world will know your name. MY DANICA!
PS. Danica has approved this article and is written with her permission, she is the Head of Learning and Development at TCL and is a force to recon with, she is a smart facilitator, dedicated designer, and absolute kick ASS professional. I would send her in to battle and represent TCL in a heartbeat.
She is also in love again and its great to see her happy – Thank you boy for making it so. Thank you for bringing your matches to help light the flame, my flame.
I am proud of you kiddo, “your sparkle has not gone unnoticed” – quote from PJ’s she bought me!